Wildflowers and Whiskey
by Inglorious DMK
Summary: Dee makes another visit to the graveyard. Who does he need to see now? And how can a silent grave help him fix the void he feels inside? DeeArnon, DeeRyo.


Title: Wildflowers and Whiskey

Author: Kameko-chan

Rating: PG-13... it's my rating of choice!

Warnings: Some cursing, a little booze. Somewhat angsty. Some boy/boy tenderness.

Pairings: Unrequited Dee/Arnon, current Dee/Ryo

Notes: There's not enough Arnon love, so I decided to add a little more of it to the web.

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Dee made a second trip to the graveyard that year a week after his first. Clutching a bouquet of wildflowers that he stole from the Penguin's garden in one hand a bottle of whiskey in the other, the detective made his way slowly across the stone-riddled landscape. He saw Jess' gravestone and gave a nod, but passed it by. It wasn't Jess that he needed to see this time, but someone else equally important to him.

The route was burned into Dee's mind by now; he'd made so many trips here in the early days. He made it to his intended destination without even thinking, and made himself comfortable across from the somber marker. Leaning forward, he scrunched his nose slightly and brushed off the dirt that had gathered in the block, chiseled letters that spelled out 'Arnon'. Then he placed the cheery bundle of flowers between them and smiled.

"Hey, sweetheart. How's it going?" Dee uncapped the bottle at his side and took a swig, the amber liquid practically burning a hole in his throat. Good stuff. "Sorry about not visiting last week, but Ryo kind of took me by surprise."

The tombstone remained silent.

"Oh, don't be like that." Dee mock-glared at the offending object. "I said I was sorry, and I even brought you flowers. Do you know how hard it is to swipe those things? Penguin's got a sharp eye."

His friend's grave still did not reply, but somehow, Dee knew what Arnon was thinking, and he responded.

"I would've taken Ryo to see you, Arnon, but I had something to talk to you about. And I didn't want Ryo to hear what it was, either." The frazzled cop sighed and sprawled on his back, sipping some more whiskey to warm him up and calm his nerves. He'd been thinking about the past a lot lately, and the present, too. Arnon was the only one he could talk to about some things.

"I didn't tell him everything, Arnon. I left some parts out of the story, and I feel terrible about it. I feel like a dirty liar." Dee turned onto his stomach and fiddled with a blade of grass, trying in vain to delay saying what was on his mind. "I told him about the group, you and me and Barry and Tommy. I told him about Jess and the drugs, and the shooting. I told him everything that happened, but..." a pained expression stole across his face, "not us, Arnon. I didn't tell him how I felt about you, I couldn't, and I don't know why! I mean, it shouldn't be a big deal, right? You've been dead for years, and it shouldn't matter how I felt and still feel, because you're gone." 

Dee was staring desperately at Arnon's grave now, as though his friend's spirit would come back to help him and comfort him if only he wished hard enough. Alas, this was not so, and presently Dee calmed down and lay in the green grass of that hallowed field once more.

"Do you ever wonder what would have happened if you hadn't died?"

Dee froze, utterly in shock. Had he just said that out loud? He couldn't have, no way! In all the years he'd been visiting Arnon's gravesite, _never _had he dared say that idea aloud. In fact, he barely even thought it; the why's and what if's and could have been's were too heartbreaking to even consider. He didn't want to be thinking this, but he'd said it, and now he was compelled to finish the thought.

"Maybe Tommy and Barry and me could have convinced you to get out of the mob. Hell, maybe you'd have even done it yourself. And then..." God, he didn't want to go on, it _hurt_, "then, I could've told you how I felt. I could have told you how much I loved you, how much I wanted to be with you. And maybe you would've even felt the same. We could have _started _something. I suppose we'll never know for sure, but... God, Arnon, can't you see it? Can't you see how happy we would've been together?" Dee took a shaky breath and went to down some more whiskey, only to find the bottle empty. He idly wondered when he drank it all, and why he wasn't drunk yet. Ah, damp spot in the grass; he'd spilled it all. Dee placed the bottle next to the flowers.

"But then I start to wonder, Arnon. I wonder about Ryo, and Bikky, and everyone I've known and loved since I became a cop. What would've happened if I'd never met them? Would those drug thugs have killed Bikky? Would Ryo be serving 25 to life for killing Leo?" A pause. "Would he have lived long enough to find Leo at all?"

Dee stopped. He knew now, he knew why he'd been feeling so horrible, he knew what he needed to tell Arnon next, but he didn't want to. He didn't want to hurt his friend, his first love, dead or not. It would hurt to say it. It would hurt not to say it. He couldn't keep it bottled up anymore.

"Arnon... I'm not sorry that you died."

Silence ruled the cemetery, and Dee babbled on.

"Don't get me wrong; I love you with all my heart and I always will, and I'll never stop wondering what my life would have been like if you'd stayed in it. But..." God, this was the hardest thing he'd ever had to say in his life. He clutched fistfuls of lush grass in a white-knuckled grip. "I love Ryo, too. And now that I've met him, I can't imagine a world where he's not in my life." A defeated sigh. "I just can't."

Dee's confession hung in the stifling silence of the necropolis, staring at him, taunting him. He couldn't believe what he just said. He had to get away. He couldn't breathe. Accusatory quiet pressed in on him.

"Something wrong, Dee?"

Dee jumped a foot in the air and whirled around to see the source of the familiar voice. 

"Ryo?!"

Ryo smiled and took a step forward, brushing his sandy brown hair out of his eyes as he did so. "This seems to have become your favorite hangout lately."

Dee stared at his partner in shock, mind only able to focus on one very vital question. "How much did you hear?"

"Enough." Ryo's smile widened as he leaned down, brushing a light kiss across Dee's lips. Then he pulled back, a light blush covering his face, and held out his hand. "Come on, Trailer Park Boys is on in half an hour and Bikky'll be disappointed if you're not there to watch it with him.

For a minute, Dee stared at Ryo's outstretched hand like a deer caught in headlights. Then he grinned, pulled himself up, and planted a slightly (okay, slightly may be an understatement) deeper kiss of his own on Ryo's lips. Then he draped an arm around his love's shoulders, gave Arnon a cheery wink goodbye, and set off with Ryo to his apartment.

_Sorry, Arnon... but life's calling. I'll see you again soon enough, love._

Arnon didn't mind. He was happy, Dee was happy, and there were wildflowers and whiskey.

~FIN~


End file.
